Laura Out Loud

May 24, 2012

What am I doing?

I think I have asked myself this question at least forty seven times today.

I know what that sounds like, but it’s not what you think.

I don’t ask that question from a dark place. I have not found myself in the center of a ridiculous meltdown. I simply enjoy abiding in an inquisitive state.

Now, I will never claim that being in such a state is always a good place to be. I will say, however, that inquiry will always provoke a lesson of some sort.

As for today, inquiry is challening me to walk in a greater confidence, and obtain the perfect balance between patience and impatience.

As I ask myself what I am doing, I find myself a little confused and wondering if I am doing anything right. When those feelings arise, I then have this sense of comfort, believing that everything is always in God’s perfect timing. Then I think about Jesus returning, and I ask myself if God’s timing is, in fact, perfect, is it wrong for me to wish for Jesus to return sooner?

As I delve into this deep conversation with myself, I can come to only one conclusion.

It must be both.

Patience and impatience both have their proper place.

I know impatience has a negative connotation, so perhaps the better way to describe it is as determination. One definition of impatience is even listed as “eagerly desirous.”

Determination, or being eagerly desirous, will always take us far, when equally matched with patience. If we have determination, but have no patience, we will quickly become overwhelmed when something does not work, and find ourselves wanting to give up. On the other hand, if we are only patient, never feeling determined, we will never work towards accomplishing that which God has called us to.

When perfectly matched, however, patience and determination will carry us into the beauty of our calling. The eager desire to accomplish any goal will give us the energy to run the race, while the patience will give us the strength to carry on when we are faced with an obstacle.

So, just what am I doing?

I am learning the balance between patience and impatience.

Radical is the New Safe

I love the works of Dr. Seuss.

Shamelessly.

Luckily, I work with children. And children, without fail, love Dr. Seuss. And even if they don’t speak English, they are just as captivated by the pictures, as I am captivated by the brilliant expression of vocabulary.

Today, I was enjoying Oh, The Places You’ll Go.

I was overwhelmed as I read it to my children, so much so that I went back and sat in a quiet room and read it over again with no one around. Although the entire book is simply brilliant and speaks so beautifully, whether intended or not, of the beautiful ups and downs of a like consumed in Christ, there were three pages that really captured my attention.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

This totally captured my heart.

How many of us find ourselves just waiting in that waiting place?
We wait for someone to come into our life. We wait for the time to be just right and for everything to be in order. We wait because we feel safe. Basically, we wait for everything to be seemingly perfect.

The sad thing is, if we wait for these things, it is likely we will wait forever. And then what? It is likely we will regret having waiting for everything to be Utopian.

We were not made to ~~wait.~~ Were we made to rest? Were we made to be still?

Absolutely.

We were made to rest and be still, however, while simultaneously moving forward.

So what is the answer?

Be radical. Escape the waiting place.

You have a dream? Go for it.

Don’t know how? Ask.

If you are afraid of falling, remember that you can stand up again.

I am convinced that we all have our own (not-so) little cliff in life. The view looks different for each of us, but one thing is the same: It is a long way down. I believe we all have fear when we look out. So much is unknown and there are so many ways in which we can fail. There are many blind spots. It is easy to sit at the top and just wait. We can wait for someone to come along and help us, or we can wait for someone to pave the way- someone to build a bridge for us so that we can have an easy path. We can wait until we have a better view, and nothing is left a mystery.

We can wait. It is an option.

But we were not made to wait. We were made to soar.

Does a baby bird learn to soar by sitting safely in its nest?

Absolutely not.

I am absolutely confident that the moment we decide to jump off of our cliff, and embrace the unknown, is the moment we learn to soar.

Passion is Not Lukewarm

Each day, as I seek to plunge further into the depths of my Daddy’s heart, I find myself being challenged at a greater level. I ask Him to show me His ways, and find myself in a state of bewilderment each time.

Last week, as God and I were hanging out, I asked Him a question:

“Papa, why does everyone seem so complacent? Should we not always hunger for more? Should we not be passionate and on fire? Why am I judged so fiercely by those around me for displaying such passion?”

He gently whispered to me and reminded me of a passage from Revelation.

“‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.
(Revelation 3:15-17 ESV)

He then said, “Laura, passion is not lukewarm. Those who are complacent in the mundaneness of every day life and do not have passion will be spit from my mouth.”

I will not lie. I googled the definition of mundane.

mun·dane [muhn-deyn, muhn-deyn]

adjective

1. of or pertaining to this world or earth as contrasted with heaven; worldly; earthly: mundane affairs.

2. common; ordinary; banal; unimaginative.

3. of or pertaining to the world, universe, or earth.

His statement made more sense upon defining the word mundane.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we were not meant to be satisfied by worldly affairs or things of the Earth. The first definition of mundane says, “as contrasted with Heaven.” This means, as followers of Christ, it is impossible that we were created for mundaneness.

If then, it is impossible that we were created for mundaneness, then it is impossible that we were created for the common and the ordinary.

Shouldn’t we then, as proclaimed believers of the Word of God, seek to live for the uncommon and the extraordinary? Should we not long to be passionate and ~~on fire~~ , that He may not spit us from His mouth?

Instead, so often, we believe that we are entirely rich and need nothing, therefore submerging ourselves in complacency. We allow ourselves to be satisfied with the ordinary and carve out a place for ourselves in mundaneness. We pridefully consider our ordinary and seemingly rich lives to be enough.

Here’s the thing:

The Kingdom is not ~~ordinary.~~

It is EXTRAORDINARY.

The Kingdom is not ~~natural.~~

It is SUPERNATURAL.

Mundaneness has no place in the Kingdom.

So what is the solution?

Passion.

True passion refuses to be lukewarm. It refuses to be satisfied with anything ordinary (until we redefine the word ordinary). It refuses to simply go through the motions of life. Let’s face it, going through the motions isn’t really living at all. Passion will not settle.

Can boiling water settle? Only if it is to cool off.

True passion never cools off.

So find it.

Awaken your spirit and let your passion arise. Don’t settle for mundaneness. You were made for more.

…so much more.

A little picture of passion in my life.

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Filed under My Vibrant Life

Tagged as followers of christ, KINGDOM, passion, REVELATION

February 17, 2012

Who is My Neighbor?

It was a busy day. I was determined to finish preparing a large art project for my kids before 5pm, in order to have an undistracted phone conversation with a very dear friend from home.

I kept hearing a whisper.

“Read my Word. Get in my Word. Study my Word.”

After the went on for some time, I realized that my Daddy wanted to teach me something. Why else would He be so persistent? He knew that my art project was important, but He also knew that the lesson He prepared for me would change me forever.

Although I was frustrated in the setback of my work, I opened my bible in great anticipation of the beauty that was to be revealed. I didn’t open to anything specific. I just opened it and sat there. After a few minutes had passed, I asked God, “What would you like for me to read?” He was very quick to respond.

“Luke 10.”

I began to read Luke 10, and I was immediately impacted by the words I was reading. I kept reading and He kept touching my heart. I then approached Luke 10:25

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

I was so touched by this. I just sat there, feeling the weighty presence of the Lord. Then I remembered, God had something very specific for me. I stated very simply, “Teach me, Lord.”

If we ask Him to teach us, He will never say no. He will simply ask that you listen.

He began speaking to me about all the ones that are on the streets here in Kigali. They stretch out their hands and they ask for money. They yell “Mzungu!” as I walk by, in hopes of me giving them the large amounts of money they believe to be in my possession. God asked me to think about my actions towards them. I began thinking of all the times I simply walked past them without even looking them in the eyes. I think to myself, “I don’t even have enough money for myself and my kids. I simply cannot give anything to you.”

God spoke to me and said, “Laura, you always have something to give. It is called mercy. I want you to show mercy to each one. It is not an option, it is my commandment to you.”

It was then that I realized God only ever asked me to love. He asked me to love with all of my heart and in the most outrageous ways possible. I may not always have spare change in my pocket, but I do always have extra love, overflowing from the depths of my heart. Perhaps some of them only want the money, but I believe that deep inside, most of them want the love.

He kept speaking to me.

“Laura, the one in front of you is the one I have called you to. If you cannot love one, how can you love thousands?”

Wow. I was humbled beyond what words can express. How true is this? We are so quick to think of all of the outrageous things we can do and the ridiculous things we can accomplish. We are so quick to dream big. Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to dream big, and I do it on a daily basis, but I never want to be so caught up in my dreams that I forget the now. You see, there is probably someone right in front of my face, in the now, that needs my mercy.

This was so pivotal for me. Some days I get so discouraged and I think, “When will my ministry really happen? When will I make a difference?” On one recent occasion, I asked the Lord, “When will I see the big picture?”

He responded, “Laura, if you could see the big picture, you would be distracted from the ones in front of you. And if even if there was no big picture, the ones in front of you would be worthy of your time and love.”

So here I am. I don’t know much except that I am hungry for His heart. I want it so bad. I want to be near to Him and His love. The best place to find that is in the ones right in front of me. So I will stop for every one, and I will remember that He is strategic in all His ways. I will pour His love out to the one in front of me, as if they were the only person alive.

Somehow, I believe that is the big picture.

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Tagged as commandments, mercy

February 1, 2012

Transition Central

The fascinating thing about transition is that it produces entirely opposing emotions, simultaneously.

There is something altogether lovely that happens when you release yourself into the unknown and embrace the multitude of fears that arise in your world of secret thoughts. There is an element of courage involved which must be recognized as completely remarkable.

Of course, this makes transition sound rather simple, as if it is a brilliant equation and easily solved.

This has not been my experience.

As beautiful as the process of transition can be, it is also very raw and often ugly.

I stepped off the plane in Kigali, Rwanda having one contact- a contact who does not speak English. I ventured to my new home, which I had never seen before, to discover that my life would be entirely African. Altogether, I was pleased with my new surroundings. After all, I had a roof over my head and a toilet inside.

As I began to settle in, the reality of my life slapped me in the face. There I was, in a room barely big enough to host my bed, looking at my clothes hanging from nails on the wall, realizing that there was no one I call and nowhere I could run to.

As my spirit started to explode, Jesus quietly whispered to me, “I’m here.” It was that simple. In an instant I was at peace.

I don’t mean that in your average, “Everything is perfect and I am so thrilled!” sort of way. It’s more of that inner knowing that even though everything is more than terrifying, it will be okay.

I held tight to this knowing until everything seemed to go wrong in my fresh life of adventure.

Within just a few days several of my things were stolen, I became terribly sick, and my apple computer charger was completely fried, leaving me to spend half of a month’s support to replace it. To top it all off, every westerner I met seemed to live a very “American” life, so even those I thought I could relate to seemed to have far different lifestyles than me. I found myself feeling somewhat displaced.

As I began to complain to the Lord about how hard my life was and how much I was struggling, He was quick to bring to my attention the reality of the situation.

It was not easy for Jesus when He carried the cross, Laura. Don’t you think He struggled? Don’t you think He wanted to give up? Don’t you think He wished there was another option? Don’t you think He asked me why He was the one called to that difficult walk? It was very hard for Him, Laura. But it was His destiny so He pressed on and fixed His eyes on Me. Remember that, Laura.

Wow. It was one of those moments that was less than easy to take in, but had greater impact than I could have imagined. It was one of those moments that forced me to rest in the truth.

And the truth is this:

I was chosen because God knew I would say yes. He never promised me it would be easy, but He did promise me that it would be worth it. I have a responsibility to believe that He is not a God that would lie. This insane journey, this ridiculous transition, will be worth it. I will want to quit. I will want to give up. I will want to go home. But when those moments find their way to me, I will persevere, knowing that sometimes the thing that is the hardest for us is the thing we are called to. I will remind myself of the reward that Jesus received when He said yes. I will remind myself that it is a privilege to love Him through whatever comes, and over and over again, I will say yes.

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Tagged as kigali rwanda

December 9, 2011

She extends her hands to the poor…

…and she stretches out her hands to the needy.

As I prepare for my return to the Land of a Thousand Hills, my mind is racing. Thoughts of the Kingdom are coming and going, and crossing paths on their way in and way out. Ideas are becoming linked- they are explaining one another and making light of those that have rested in darkness for so long.

Truth comes to life and beauty radiates as the light Jesus promises is uncovered from the dusty lampshade of confusion.

I am a Proverbs 31 Woman.

For many months now, I have prayed along with my best friend that I would truly understand what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Beyond that- I prayed I would learn to walk in it. This has become even more weighty in my mind over the past few weeks as I have thought about my return to Rwanda. So many questions entered my world of secret thinking.

Am I really a Proverbs 31 woman?

What does this mean?

Can I really be a good wife if I am running off to Rwanda?

As I began my day, I asked the Lord if He would help me understand more about being a Proverbs 31 woman. He promptly responded:

“YOU ARE A PROVERBS 31 WOMAN.”

In attempts to understand the words the Lord spoke, I opened my bible and intentionally pondered each verse of the passage. I was overwhelmed as I reached verse 20.

SHE EXTENDS HER HAND TO THE POOR, AND SHE STRETCHES OUT HER HANDS TO THE NEEDY.

God whispered to me and said, “Don’t you realize that you are doing just that?”

I actually found myself a little confused. I naively pondered what He could be talking about. It was then that I realized He was speaking about my journey to Rwanda. I am going there to work with my hands in delight, to extend my hand to the poor, and to stretch out my hands to the needy.

Yes, there is more to being a Proverbs 31 woman than just this, but it certainly cannot be ignored.

The man the Lord has prepared for me from the beginning of time will notice me because his heart is for a Proverbs 31 woman. He will see my heart for the poor and the needy, and he will recognize that as a characteristic of a Proverbs 31 woman.

I am humbled and honored that I can rest in the truth spoken by my Daddy. I do not have to be anxious or concerned that I am tarnishing my character as a Proverbs 31 woman. Instead, I am experiencing the fulness of what it means, and doing so with great delight.

The Woman Who Fears the LORD

¹⁰ An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
¹¹The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
¹²She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
¹⁴She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
¹⁵She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
¹⁶She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
¹⁸She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
²⁰She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
²²She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
²⁶She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.